Hi ,
(This one comes from the real world of the auto-parts industry, where one of my clients works.)
Have you ever been stuck in a frustrating loop with a team member who keeps missing important deadlines?
This was happening with a client of mine, a manager who was responsible for the nationwide delivery of parts to retail stores. (And if you’ve ever ordered a specific part you needed that didn’t arrive on time, you might relate to this.) An employee in an essential data-gathering and reporting role consistently failed to submit a critical report on time, creating a cascade of problems that forced her to work weekends to fix the fallout.
Of course, the urge to jump on a call and demand answers is strong.
So that’s exactly what she did. She picked up the phone, demanded to know why he didn’t get the report “to me,” and, just as you’d expect, it escalated into a big fight that didn’t need to happen.
In our session, we reframed the issue. She learned to pause, notice her urge to demand compliance, and consciously choose a more mindful way. Here is the four-step reframe she used that turned everything around:
1. Take a Beat
When a situation is already hot, you don’t do anyone favors by adding more gasoline to the fire. Yes, the impact is real, and a course correction is needed. But a mindful leader is a force for grounded competence, not reactionary problem-solving. Pausing breaks the reactive cycle and creates the space to choose a more skillful response.
2. Depersonalize
When you ask, “Why didn’t you get this to me?” or “Can you do this for me?”, you frame the task as a personal favor. When it goes wrong, it feels like a personal slight. There’s no need to make it about you or to put your employee’s character on trial. Instead, focus on the workflow. Think of it like an assembly line: the goal isn’t to blame the person at one station but to ensure the process at that station works smoothly.
3. Explain the Impact & Elevate the Responsibility
Often, the importance of a task needs to be amplified so that the impact of disruption is more fully appreciated. It’s one thing to be speeding in a Mini-Cooper, another in a semi-truck. A report isn’t a vehicle, so the impacts may need to be pointed out.
You can say, “It’s your job to get this done for me by Wednesday at noon.”
Or…
You can elevate their status by pointing out they’ve been trusted with an important responsibility. Then, you can clearly—and without threats—point out the consequences:
“This report is an important part of your role that you’re entrusted with. When it isn’t in the system on time, it sets off alarms that there’s a fire at your desk. That’s not the kind of attention you or I want focused on your work.”
4. Invite Collaboration on Solutions
Once the stakes are clear, shift from accusation to collaboration. The conversation becomes about supporting them in their role:
“So, let’s look at the process. What can we do to ensure this part of the workflow happens smoothly? What resources do you need?”
Now, instead of being judge and jury, you’re a collaborator. You’re a resource.
When she did this, the situation de-escalated immediately. The employee, no longer feeling attacked, engaged in effective problem-solving.
They revised the workflow to produce a draft the day before for early warning (this was no small feat as many other contributing efforts had to be adjusted)- and send up a flare if the timeline was lagging. So much better.
My client even started using this in team meetings. Heated, blaming conversations about jammed-up processes shifted from “Why didn’t you get that done?” to a collaborative “What needs to happen here?”.
Because she acted mindfully and skillfully, the relationship improved, the process now runs smoother, and she is seen as an effective leader rather than a reactive manager.
Of course, this is a great outcome, but not every person is amenable to a collaborative approach. Some people are simply unreliable or negative, and you’re not going to change them. But you can create the circumstances so that the situation has its best opportunity for working out well. Then if it doesn’t, you’re on the record as having done due diligence when remediation is required, and it’s far less likely to land on you.
So this week, when a problem arises, don’t react. Take a beat. Pause and consider if the situation would be furthered by asking “What’s going on here?” rather than “Why did you do that?”
Stay present, and remember—great leadership improves the process and elevates the relationship.
– Brett
P.S. Next time, we’ll explore a mindset I find myself using a lot in coaching clients these days: “Ringing the bell of collaboration.”