Hi ,
Last time, we talked about that state where someone is so chemically and neurologically stuck that words of encouragement simply bounce off.
We discussed how, in those moments, a great way to be is to be there for them in a state of Loving Presence.
Sometimes, that is the best you can do.
But based on the premise that “stuck energy needs to move,” there are other proven possibilities.
Consider this.
Decades ago, the famous hypnotherapist Milton Erickson worked with a client who was severely depressed. She was an older woman living in Milwaukee. She was isolated, disconnected, and deeply unhappy.
Traditional talk therapy wasn’t moving the needle. She was stuck.
But when Erickson visited her home, he noticed one faint signal of life in her dark house: She grew African Violets by the window. It was the only thing she cared about; her only source of light (the glass half full).
So, Erickson, seeing that this one thing was her connection to something good and true in her, the healthy part of her, gave her an assignment that I have never forgotten since I first read about this (and is something I often do with my own clients).
His instruction was brilliant and simple:
He told her to get some more pots and grow more of them. And then, he told her to check the church announcements. Whenever there was a birth, a wedding, or a sickness in the community, she was to physically deliver a potted violet to that person.
She didn’t have to talk about her feelings. She didn’t have to “process” her depression. She just had to deliver the flowers.
In doing so, she experienced people lighting up when they received her gift. Her limbic system began to resonate with their gratitude and joy. She became known in the community as “The African Violet Queen of Milwaukee.”
Over time, her depression faded – not because she analyzed it, or medicated it, but because she engaged with something good and true.
The Antidote is Action
The antidote to the “Glass Half Empty” is often simple active engagement.
We see this in high performers. Take Tony Robbins.
While I have problems with some of Tony Robbins’ approach and marketing, there is one thing he does get really right.
In his work, he teaches that mastering “state changes” is a path to taking ownership of your success and impact. He knows that changing your state changes your mindset and mood. You literally change what becomes possible for you.
And the fastest way to do that is by getting active – ESPECIALLY when you don’t feel like it.
Before he goes on stage, he doesn’t just sit and think positive thoughts. He goes backstage and physically pumps himself up – jumping up and down and breathing heavily.
He isn’t doing that for theater. He is doing it because he knows that he has authority over his inner state, but he has to do something physical to exercise that authority.
Energy activation changes your state.
Another example of this, which is more the mindful mode, is breathwork, yoga, or somatic movement. All use the same principle but add a layer of intentionality to them that makes it more powerful than mechanically “pumping” yourself up.
The Invitation to Action as an Act of Grace
As a friend or colleague, you may be able to help people stuck in down mode by inviting them to do something active.
Instead of asking, “How are you feeling?”, invite them to do something physical.
“Let’s walk while we talk.” “Come help me move this whiteboard.” “Let’s go to that concert.”
Get motion happening.
When I was practicing in “the work” by Gurdjieff, there was a great deal of physical activity, as there are things you get from being physical that you cannot get any other way.
There is a doorway to being, through doing.
(Decades ago, “The Inner Game of Tennis” was a book that made headlines focusing on how you can improve sports through mindful awareness of your body.)
When you and your companion engage with an activity, you change your inner chemistry and experience.
And once the body moves, the mind and heart often follow.
Stay present,
Brett
P.S. This concludes our series on the Glass Half Full. We looked at the Blueprint (Letter 1), Loving Presence (Letter 2), and Action (Letter 3). I’d love to hear which of these three resonated most with you. Hit reply and let me know.