Subject: A Glass-Half-Full Approach to Coaching
Much of what I had learned came from the world of mindfulness-based somatic psychotherapy, as well as mindfulness-based group dynamics—often involving deep work on exceptionally vulnerable and sensitive wounds of the psyche.
This was amazing work, but it was pretty much locked into a therapy framework.
And coaching is not therapy.
So there was a big gap here.
But one day I found the bridge and it informs my work to this day.
Discovering a Different Way In
I was in a training for “Re-Creation of the Self” (RCS) by Jon Eisman, one of the original creators of the Hakomi method for somatic psychology.
After decades of teaching therapists how to do deep work with the Hakomi method, Jon found that in many cases, you can truly help a client without doing a deep dive into woundedness.
Hmmm.
Well, that was super interesting to me—because it would be a perfect way to work with coaching clients using these incredibly powerful methods.
A Simple but Powerful Orientation
One of the tenets of Jon’s insight was this:
If faced with an in-session choice to explore deeper into woundedness or explore possible resourcefulness, opt for resourcefulness first and see if that is available.
Jon called this the “glass-half-full” orientation, and it is a key part of my work.
In the class he said:
“…if a client wants something better for themselves, then there must be something in them that feels they are valuable, and must be worth the effort.
With your help, as soon as they start feeling that sense of self-worth—not the idea, but the feeling—they can also feel that they deserve to have something better.
All of a sudden, they recognize, ‘Wow, this is what it feels like to be someone who believes he deserves better?’
This a big shift for them as now they can begin to identify as someone is worthy rather than only as someone is not unrecognized.
So What Does This Mean in Practice?
Simple.
In practice, when I work with clients, I first look for what they have access to that helps them feel good about the moment.
For example, let’s say you like flowers. I might then ask you how you feel about them. And generally, that’s a good experience, right?
But then I ask:
What exactly does it feel like?
And what is it about them that causes you to name them as a special experience?
This is a great exploration—because in it, we learn something unique and special about you.
Because it’s not the flowers that are causing you to light up.
Whatever that is—it’s something imporant about you.
And do you want more of that goodness in your life?
Of course. We all do.
Start There. Go Deep. Then Return.
So the very first thing I do with people is explore this.
And do it deeply, so you experience yourself first as someone who has the capacity to experience beauty and goodness in the world—regardless of the “problem” you came to coaching for.
This isn’t about avoiding bad feelings, it’s about not ignoring the good ones that are immedialy and easily present in our lives, if we just take a moment to notice them.
Then, when you are grounded in this goodness, we look back on your issue—and something very special often happens.
Instead of being a huge roadblock in your life, it’s a medium roadblock.
(Clients, often say at this moment literally ‘it’s seems more manageble” or “it’s not such a big deal”)
Why?
Because there are flowers in the world.
And they were there all along.
You just weren’t noticing them.
The Shift That Changes Everything
In this way, you learn how to look at your problems instead of being in them.
With this—and a few other simple and effective practices—you can truly reframe your inner experience so that life is much better, moment to moment, because:
You are choosing more effectively what to pay attention to and then engaging the world from this more connected place.
Yes, you still have issues.
But they get smaller.
Because you get bigger.
Stay present,
Brett
PS.
If you’d like get bigger, let me know.