Hi there,
In the last letter, we talked about finding your “foundational truth”—that authentic self you were before the world told you who to be.
So what’s the value of all this?
Because when you know who you are in your bones, and give voice to that—you take action from that place—then you live and act from your natural “embodied authority.”
(I call this “inhabiting your embodied authority.”)
Engaging the world from this place is incredibly powerful and satisfying. It’s the opposite of ego. You’re not trying to be powerful or impactful; you are just being yourself, which in many cases is, by nature, powerful and impactful.
It’s the profound satisfaction of knowing yourself so well that when someone gives you feedback, it doesn’t rock your world.
Yoda once famously said, “Do not try—do.” But if I may be so bold as to propose: “Do not try—BE.”
Being, then doing.
When you live this way, you don’t depend on other people to validate who you are, because you know who you are. It doesn’t mean you’re perfect, nor does it mean you don’t care if others challenge you. But it does mean that if someone is giving you critical feedback—graciously or skillfully—their feedback becomes a data point, not a challenge to the integrity of your being.
These data points are extremely valuable for helping you understand, in general, how you impact others. And that is really important to know because when you know for real that your impact is aligned with who you are, you relax about how other people judge you.
Of course, you care, but it doesn’t rock your world when you get feedback that doesn’t align with your expectations.
Here’s a very practical example. I’ve done a lot of technical speaking in my career. I know, from the reviews of thousands of people taken after presentations at events hosted by Microsoft and others, that in general, my presentations rank about a B+. I’m never on the “A” list, but overall good enough that I kept getting invited to speak at conferences, write articles, and consult with Fortune 500 companies.
So, if someone comes up to me today and says, “Brett, you’re a terrible speaker, you should go back to crocheting,” that would be an outlier. But only because I have so much data. So my honest reaction would be, “Tell me more. What was your experience?”
Not all my talks are going to be my best for sure, and I have some tales to tell about that for another time. But I am curious about what their expectations were and how I might improve.
Straightforward enough. But this is about “performance.” How does this same principle apply to being your core self?
What if it’s not about “how well do you do a task” but rather “how do you impact people in your world?” That’s harder because it’s personal, but we can still be very objective about it.
When you come from this grounded, connected place, you have the freedom to get curious about other people’s experience of you.
This brings us to the third, crucial piece of this work: Taking ownership of your impact.
It’s not enough to just know who you are. The real work is in the alignment of:
- Who you believe you are.
- How you show up in the world.
- How you actually impact others.
One of the most useful exercises I ever did was in a Matrix Leadership training with the incredible Amina Knowlan. After a day and a half of getting to know each other pretty well, the group of about 20 people was tasked with this exercise:
We put a piece of paper on our backs, and for 10 minutes, walked around with a pencil, writing a few adjectives on other people’s papers describing their impact on us, while they did the same for us. For example: “Sturdy.” “Reliable.” “Authoritative.” Or maybe, “Nervous.” “Withholding.” “Angry.”
At the end, you took the paper off your back and read how you had impacted 20 random people you happened to be in a workshop with.
To the degree that the impact you’re having aligns with who you think you are, that’s a “yay.” But if you get unexpected feedback from several people—that’s strong intel that you are impacting people in ways you don’t mean to.
This isn’t wrong or bad; it’s just data! And it is good cause to mindfully reflect on your language and non-verbal communication.
Taking ownership of your impact is perhaps the most powerful leadership skill on the planet.
So if someone gives you feedback like “you seem so insecure” but in your bones, you feel solid and not afraid—you can relax that it’s not about YOU, it’s about how you engage.
This is what I mean by becoming undeniable. It doesn’t mean people will always agree with you. It doesn’t mean you’ll always get your way. It means you can work on how to show up in the world in a way that reflects who you are in action and word.
When you speak and act from that foundational place, connected to the truth of what you’re about… that is your Embodied Authority. It belongs to you, and no one can take it from you through their opinions or judgments.
You are, undeniably, yourself.
And when you connect to that and give voice to it in the world, you will land in a place of satisfaction you cannot predict until you are there.
The world needs more of you, so please be courageous in this work.
Stay present,
Brett