Hi ,
Today I want to talk to you about something I believe may be the most important practice in the world—a practice called loving presence.
Loving presence is a profound state of mind and a way of relating to the world. It’s about engaging with others from a place of deep openness, compassion, and non-judgmental awareness. It’s a skill I’ve spent my life learning, practicing, and teaching because it transforms not just our relationships, but ourselves.
I first encountered the notion of loving presence through my study and training with Ron Kurtz, the creator of the Hakomi Method, a beautiful form of somatic psychotherapy. In fact, I attended one of Ron’s very first Loving Presence workshops, which completely changed how I approached my work—and my life.
Here’s how Ron describes loving presence in a booklet he inspired:
“Imagine a happy and contented mother looking at the sweet face of her peaceful newborn baby. She is calm, loving, and attentive, unhurried and undistracted. The two of them seem to be outside of time, simply present, being with one another and gently held within a field of love and life’s wisdom. They are as present with each other as any two persons can be.”
That’s a pure example of loving presence—no agenda, no goal other than simply being fully present.
Ron discovered through his clinical work that healing happens naturally when one person offers this kind of unconditional presence to another. I’ve experienced this myself countless times. When I truly let go of any urge to “fix” or “change” someone, and instead simply witness, accept, and care, the conversation deepens dramatically. Insights arise, emotions surface and release, and often healing happens spontaneously.
As Ron put it:
“When the mind is still, the heart does the work.”
When you embody loving presence, your heart naturally takes the lead. You become attuned to subtle energies, nuances, and truths beyond words. In this state, you don’t have to force solutions or wise insights. Your presence itself becomes healing.
Consider this: If there was an unlimited amount of love around you right now—not love you earn, not love someone else must give you, but love like air or sunlight—how much would you let yourself feel? For years, this was a hard question for me personally. I was good at caring for others, but allowing myself to be cared for, truly loved—that was tougher. Yet when I began to intentionally open myself to the infinite possibility of love, everything shifted.
Loving presence doesn’t require reciprocity. It’s not conditional. Just as the sun radiates warmth without an agenda or needing anyone’s permission or appreciation, your presence can radiate compassion and care. So when you encounter another person, they encounter loving presence not because “you give it to them” but because that’s who you are.
Right now, in a world increasingly fragmented, where people feel disconnected and isolated, the practice of loving presence isn’t just helpful—it’s essential. It’s foundational. It’s as crucial to our emotional and spiritual health as food and air are to our physical wellbeing. Our humanity depends on our capacity to experience love, both giving and receiving.
Mindfulness is the gateway. When you slow down and become fully present, loving presence emerges spontaneously.
It’s always there, beneath the noise and distraction. All you need to do is let your mind settle, let go of judgment, let go of expectations, and simply witness the human being before you—starting with yourself.
Ron talked about how he first discovered this – when he was in a workshop and was doing day after day of working with people in the group. At the end of day 2, he was exhuasted.
Exhausted and overwhelmed, he found himself unable to track the content of a client’s story. With his mind clouded and clarity nowhere in sight, he surrendered. He stopped trying to be effective, stopped trying to “work” at therapy—and just sat, quietly present.
That’s when something extraordinary happened.
As he listened without effort, his awareness began to shift. He started to truly see the person in front of him—not the content of their words, but the subtle qualities of their being. The movements of their face. The energy behind the story. Something beautiful and sacred emerged in the space between them.
As is often the case, the man was simply telling his story to Ron. “Then this, and they said that….” but then he noticed how Ron was paying to attention to him. The quallity of it. And the conversation shifted to that. Then the entire session grounded into what is happening, now, between them. The man moved from talking about his issues, to being present with Ron and the work went deeper and was far richer.
And in that moment, Ron realized: this being with someone in full presence—open, curious, compassionate—was the work.
Later, when he reflected on the session, he wrote:
“When the mind is still, the heart does the work.”
It was a turning point. He understood that healing doesn’t always come from insight or technique—it arises from the quality of connection itself. And that quality, at its best, is Loving Presence.
Do you recall when you noticed that someone was really paying attention to you in a open hearted, non-judgemental, high-quality way? The amount of presence they were brining into the moment, is something you can feel? And in the moment you noticed that – what was the impact on you?
Remember what that felt like, how time seemed to pause, how effortlessly connected you felt.
My invitation to you is this:
Practice showing up with this quality of presence for yourself and others. Watch how your interactions change when you approach them from this deep and openhearted state. I promise you, it will transform your relationships, your work, and most importantly, your experience of being alive.
How? That’s the task at hand. Many of the skills and practices I’ve been writing about in these letters are the “how.”
Pausing on purpose, honoring transitions, mindfulness, truly seeing – all of these help to create the conditions in which loving presence can emerge.
But here’s a quick practice you can use when you meet someone to get you in the right frame.
When you meet someone, on purpose – notice something you like about them.
Do that right away, even before you speak if you can.
As simple as that.
This message about Loving Presence is at the heart of my book, The Language of Mindfulness. If this resonates with you, I’d love for you to explore more deeply.
👉 Click here to learn more about The Language of Mindfulness and get a special insider confirmation.
In a world that desperately needs more compassion, your loving presence is perhaps the greatest gift you can give.
Stay present,
Brett