Hi ,
Last time, I shared the idea that presence is the foundation, and skills are the amplifier.
Today, I want to offer you a simple but powerful practice you can start using right away to experience this for yourself — even in the middle of your busy life.
When you’re next listening to someone, try doing something slightly different than usual:
Take a step back (internally).
Rather than focusing only on the story or the content of what’s being said, pay close attention to the whole person speaking.
Notice:
- How they present themselves
- Their pace and quality of speaking
- The kinds of words they choose
- The feeling you get from being in their presence
Then ask yourself:
“Who is the is person? What’s it’s truly like to be therm?
Not in way you’re trying to label it is as much as letting yourself get really curious about “personhood.”
The larger context for what they saying. The whole of the person that is speaking to you.
And if you listen really well, you can hear in their words, their pacing, and notice in their emotions the things they care about, as well as what they worry about.
You begin to get a sense of who they are in a deep way. In ways that go beyond hearing just the words expressed, but includes how it was expressed and how it lands in you.
It’s a bit like the saying in the movie Avatar — “I see you.”
Not just seeing someone’s role, their performance, or their topic — but really sensing the deeper human being speaking to you.
This kind of listening changes everything.
As the great therapist Carl Rogers said, “Listening Has Consequences.”
(And he means postive consquences here rather than a negative outcome.)
When you practice this way, conversations stop being just transactional.
They become relational, even transformational.
This is what I mean, when I say you can “uplevel” any conversation when your practice presence combined with skilled listening and and understanding of how people become who they are.
You’ll often find yourself:
- Less pressured to say something clever
- More genuinely curious about the person
- More able to spot opportunities to connect or help
Plus, when the communication is not so pleasant, you’ll be better able to clearly express and enforce boundaries as well.
When you really listen at this level, a kind of natural spaciousness emerges — relaxed, engaged, and more deeply attuned.
And while this kind of listening deepens your personal relationships, it also transforms your professional ones.
When colleagues, clients, or teams feel truly seen and understood, trust builds quickly — and from trust comes influence, collaboration, and meaningful leadership.
Of course, you can’t really hear others at this depth if you aren’t also present with yourself.
And that’s the work. Connecting first to yourself, so you can really hear others.
Hear your own “inner responses.”
For example, are you so worried abou what to say, or looking foolish that you can’t really pay attention?
That’s key to understanding how to listen better. Notice that, then get curious about the person speaking.
Ask open ended questions, coming from a place of authentic curioiusity, and you can cut through the noise.
Real presence creates real leadership. No title or insitutional authority required.
So next time you’re in a conversation — with a colleague, a friend, or someone you care about — try asking yourself quietly:
“Who is this person, really? What’s it like to be them?”
Then listen.
Not just to their words, but to who they are.
Then when you speak, speak to that person – the deeper part of them.
Notice the impact on the connection and conversation (another skill to talk about later)
You might be surprised by what you discover — about them, and about yourself.
More soon.
Stay present, and remember — people say words are cheap, but they shouldn’t be.
– Brett
PS.
Next time, I’ll share how even a few mindful moments — sometimes just a breath — can shift the entire tone of a conversation.