When someone is being reactive toward you, pause and gently remind yourself,
“This isn’t really about me. This is about them.”
And take a breath.
Notice if that simple shift helps you remain less reactive, more compassionate, and more skillful in your response.
And I want to call out clearly:
A mindful, well-considered response will not protect you from harmful outcomes and impacts in these situations. But it is your best opportunity.
If you get fired by an angry and irrational boss, the harm is real.
It may not be about you, but the impact is certainly on you.
That’s unjust and unfair. And it happens.
These things are not in your control—but being mindful and thoughtful in these situations is your best opportunity to realize a better outcome.
If you bring these qualities to the table, and things still don’t go well, it’s a signal that the situation is unhealthy in a deep way—and that means harm for anyone involved in it.
That’s the nature of toxic cultures and toxic behavior.
Our work is to bring healthy engagement and communication to whatever world we’re in, as best we can.
And that’s the best we can do.
In the next letter, we’ll carefully explore an important nuance—what about the rare cases of people who may actually be neurologically wired differently, and who genuinely don’t respond to appeals to empathy or fairness?
Until then, remember:
Your mindful presence is a form of strength—and it’s powerful.
Stay present,
Brett
PS.
This letter comes to you with a bit of controversy.
I’m not sure it’s quite the right fit for these letters—but I approach these topics intuitively, and this one rose to the top of the list today.
If you have an opinion about the “goodness of fit” for this topic—or any response, pro or con—I’d love to hear it.
PSS
If you like these letters, you may be interested in preview content with of my upcoming book, click here