In the last couple of letters, we’ve explored the idea of “gravity” and how to build your own by connecting to direct experience.
As promised, this final letter in the series is about the practical, somatic ways to connect to your core and develop that sense of center.
To be transparent, this is not a simple thing. We are not often taught how to stand in our own sovereignty—that sense of being the calm ruler of our own inner kingdom. For me, this was a multi-layered, multi-year process, but it was well worth the effort.
And it is with some sadness, actually, that I offer these too-brief snapshots of practices that are so rich and powerful that one could spend a long time working with each one. Kind of like saying “Three masterpieces you might like” and writing a paragraph about them. Absurdly reductionistic. But I don’t know what else to do other than say, if you’d like to explore more about any of these, let me know. There’s a lot to say.
Considering all that, here are three practices that helped me immensely on my journey, and I hope one or more of them is useful to you.
1. Practice Speaking with Power
As a young man, I was on stage a lot in theater, public speaking, singing in bands, solo, and more. And in the process, I learned that speaking loudly and clearly is a surprisingly empowering experience.
The Practice: By yourself, find a space and speak loudly, clearly, and slowly, as if you are projecting to the back of a large room. And here’s the secret ingredient. Speak as if someone said to you, “What’s important to you?” and imbue your voice with the certainty you feel about what is important and true for you. For me, this could be, “I know that kindness matters. In my bones, I know that how we treat each other and what we say—MATTERS.” That’s what to say. Now add some mechanics to it that help express it powerfully. Speak from your diaphragm. Loudly. CLEARLY. Slowly. For many of us, our nervous systems aren’t used to hearing our own voice carry weight and authority. Notice the vibration in your chest. Notice what this powerful-feeling speech feels like. (You can also flip this on its head and say the same thing calmly, slowly, and quietly. That “quiet authority” is very, very powerful when it’s wired up in you in a way that grounds your words to your center).
2. Walk from Your Center
My path to this practice came from necessity. I started learning martial arts as a young man as I needed to defend myself. The culture I grew up in was dangerous to sensitive guys like me, and I wasn’t going to be anyone’s punching bag, nor allow anyone else to be just because they didn’t lay down to the prescribed models of masculinity and authority. In that training, I learned about the hara—the body’s physical and energetic center. Connecting to this is the key to balance and power. I spent a lot of time just moving—walking and moving in a way connected to the body’s physical center. When you do this, your inner orientation to the world changes. It’s surprising, actually, how powerful this is. If you’ve ever watched someone doing Tai Chi, you can almost see the connection to center in their movements. Use that as a mental model.
The Practice: Stand up. Take a few breaths and try to feel into your physical center of gravity, usually located just below your navel. Then, slowly, walk across the room as if moving from that center. Be conscious of what each step feels like. Take your time. Slower than you think. Repeat this a few times. For extra credit, stop after three steps and look behind you and be aware that even while you face forward, there is space behind you. This helps develop a very rare skill—360-degree awareness. It’s not like you can be conscious of what’s actually behind you, but you can be conscious that the space you just left is still there. You just don’t see it. It’s almost like you’re in a “sphere of awareness” several feet bigger than your body—and you are in the center of it. It’s not about walking differently, but about experiencing what happens to you when you connect to this place. Now for the fun part. Try speaking from that physically grounded place and notice what happens.
3. Creating a Safe Haven in your Energetic “Center”
The notion of Center also has an energetic meaning. This practice comes from meditation and other contemplative practices. Imagine a “column of calm” running through the middle of your being, like an energetic spinal cord. Or if that doesn’t work for you, find what feels natural and easy. Close your eyes and inquire, “Where do I naturally gravitate toward when I center?”
The Practice: As you inhale, silently bring the word “Center” into your mind. As you exhale, relax into that feeling. As one of my great teachers used to say, the instruction is simple: just “move towards peace.” When you engage in these practices, you begin to develop a real, somatic relationship with your center. It stops being an idea and becomes a place you can return to at will.
It becomes a ready resource.
So when you find yourself in an aggressive conversation, in a moment of real danger, or with a client who triggers you, you have a tool. You can take a breath, connect to your center, and “remain in your seat,” as my mentor Phil del Prince used to say.
You can stay present and less reactive because you have forged a safe haven—a home to return to inside yourself.
This takes practice, and as you have heard me say many times by now, if you want to keep your sense of center under stress, you have to practice being there when you’re not.
Stay present.
– Brett
P.S. If you’re interested in a personalized plan to help you develop this sense of gravity, center, and presence, let me know. That’s what I do.