Hi ,
Many people suffer from a limiting inner critic.
This can be a challenging, even debilitating issue that ultimately keeps you from realizing your potential.
If you’re working with this, below are some insights and practices with clients that I hope are helpful.
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No child is born with an inner critic.
No baby lies in a crib thinking, “I’m not crying correctly.”
No toddler hesitates to speak up out of fear they don’t know enough.
That kind of self-censorship has to be learned.
Somewhere along the way — maybe early, maybe later — something happened.
Perhaps you were shamed. Shut down. Mocked. Ignored.
And your nervous system made a decision:
Better to be silent than speak up.
Better to shrink than be seen.
That decision might have been unconscious — but it was effective at the time.
It got you through.
But Now?
It’s a habit.
A misplaced protection. Out of date, but still active.
It’s just a memory that got loud and has lot of power in your nervous system.
When it speaks, you feel it.
And now, it’s limiting your life.
In my work with clients — especially professionals, coaches, and creative types — this pattern shows up in two common (and very human) ways:
1. “I’m not ready.”
This is the classic imposter syndrome.
You’re in the room — but you feel like you haven’t earned the right to contribute.
Even when you’re well-trained, experienced, and genuinely qualified, something inside whispers:
“Not yet. You need to know more. They know better than me.”
2. “If they really knew me…”
This one’s deeper. It’s not about readiness — it’s about shame.
The fear isn’t being under-informed — it’s being unworthy.
“They’ll mock you.”
“You’ll be humiliated.”
“What makes you think you’re special?”
Both of these can hold people back for years.
I’ve worked with coaches with multiple certifications, even doctorate level qualifictions who wonder if they are ready to help people.
I’ve worked with executives who dont speak up in meetings they were invited to and the really limits their potential.
And the impact?
It’s not just inner doubt. It’s outer cost:
- Others speak up — and get the credit
- Boundaries aren’t expressed — and resentment builds impacting your personal realationships.
- Opportunities pass by — and you feel stuck, unheard, unseen – not realizing the potential you know you have.
And all the while, the judgment continues — not from others, but from within.
For not speaking. For not showing up.
For holding yourself back.
Let’s name this plainly:
That inner critic isn’t truth.
It isn’t wisdom.
It’s a memory — a habit shaped by your past that’s still steering your present.
And when you FEEL the truth of that, everything can begin to change.
A practice to start changing the script
This lays the foundation for later work.
First we have to put some distance between the voice and “identifying” with it.
When that inner voice rises up — even in small ways — try this:
1. Notice.
Just pause. Let it register. Don’t argue. Just see it.
2. Name it.
That’s the voice. Not you. Give it a name:
“The Judge,” “The Doubter,” “The Guard,” “The Old Tape.” “That Voice”
4. Study
How do I feel when I hear that?
Do I shrink? Does my throat feel tight?
(Note: don’t go too deep into this, just notice and name it)
5. Get curious.
Where did I learn this voice?
Is it male for female?
What is it trying to protect me from?
Whose voice does it sound like?
And then…
6. Breathe.
Slow down. Come back to this moment — the one you’re actually in.
You are not the person who needs that voice anymore.
You are here, now — with all the strength, skill, and compassion you’ve earned through the doing the hard work of getting to where you are now.
Say to yourself “there’s that part of me that is critical”
That specifc language is important.
You are not the voice, you are someone experiencing it.
In this way, you get bigger than it.
And, the magic is, in order to do this, you have be mindful.
Noticing your experience in the moment, and naming it as your experience is an exceptionally poweful practice.
It may seem like a small thing, but the neuroscience about this linguistic tweak is powerful.
Do this often and it will change your world.
Next time, I’ll share one of my favorite reframes — a deceptively simple coaching move that can interrupt the inner critic in real time and help you reclaim your clarity, your voice, and your contribution.
Stay present —
Brett