Have you ever sent an important text message, expected a quick reply, and then… nothing?
What happens in that silence?
If you’re like most people, your mind starts to work. It tries to make sense of the incomplete information by telling a story.
“How could they be so disrespectful?” “They must not appreciate me.” “I’m being kept hanging.”
Suddenly, you’re living in the middle of a negative story. A manufactured world of concern. And it feels bad.
This happens all the time, not just with texts, but in any situation where we have a gap in information.
Sending an important email at work is one that happens regularly.
“Why didn’t they reply?”
“Don’t they know how important this to me?”
Our brains are designed to fill in the blanks, and they often do so with a worst-case scenario as that justifies our anxiety and helps us make sense of the world.
But mindfulness offers a different way and a better experience.
One of the main reasons I love mindful practices is that they invite me to be objective.
To align my thoughts and expectations with what’s actually happening, rather than what I assume or imagine.
But to do that, you have to question your assumptions.
And to be more comfortable in a place of not knowing.
(We are so driven to have answers all the time that we have a low tolerance for situations with incomplete information)
The next time you find yourself caught in one of these invented stories, take a centering breath and ask yourself two simple, powerful questions:
- Is it true?
- How do I know?
Is it true that they are being disrespectful? How do you actually know that?
When you ask this with real honesty, the answer is frequently: “The truth is, I don’t know.”
Maybe they are being disrespectful. Or perhaps they dropped their phone. Maybe there’s an emergency. You simply don’t have the facts.
This realization is a choice point.
You can choose to keep suffering over a story you’ve invented, or you can choose to live in what is actually, factually true.
What is true is that it doesn’t feel good. What is true is that you wish it were different. And what is true is that you don’t know why it’s happening.
When you ground yourself in that simple reality, you free your attention. You are no longer trapped in a world of worry. You can notice the beautiful sky or the happy puppy right in front of you, things you would have missed otherwise.
Stay present, and remember—you don’t have to suffer over stories you’ve invented.
– Brett
P.S. Next time, we’ll apply this same practice to another common source of frustration: other people in traffic.Send something awesome…