You know that feeling when you are dealing with someone who is just… difficult?
Maybe they are complaining, again.
Or they are stuck in a loop of negativity.
(even if justified, it can get old.)
Or maybe they are actually angry and aiming it at you. (gulp)
I know what happens in my body when I encounter this.
My chest tightens. My breath gets shallow. And my mind instantly starts writing a story about them.
“They are so negative.” “They are trying to sabotage this project.” “They are impossible.”
It is so easy to react to the noise. To the tone. To the sheer friction of the moment.
But years ago, I learned a way of listening that changed everything for me.
It came from a brilliant teacher named John Eisman, whom I reference frequently in these letters.
He taught a mindful-somatic process called “Recreation of the Self,” which I studied for years, and within that framework, there is a technique he called “The Glass Half Full.”
It rests on a fundamental principle called Organicity.
Think of it this way: What causes a tiny acorn to crack open, push through the heavy soil, and eventually become a Mighty Oak?
What force guides a chick to break out of its shell and eventually become an eagle?
It isn’t just luck.
It is a blueprint.
Within every living thing, there is a blueprint for what it can become and the urge to manifest that possibility.
Built into your neurology and your biology is a deep drive to thrive, to be whole, and to become who you are meant to be.
If this is so, then why do people do things that aren’t good for them?
The drive to realize your potential is active even in our most unhealthy behaviors.
When someone is complaining, yelling, or acting out, they are actually making a clumsy, attempt to improve their situation.
They are trying to follow that blueprint, but they are getting lost in the execution.
Consider the extreme example of a bank robber.
In the moments before he walks through those doors, he has run a calculation in his mind.
Somehow, the question “Is robbing the bank a good idea:” is “YES!”
And that’s a key part of understanding.
If you ask anyone for a reason for what they are doing, they will offer one – because internally, we all get to “yes, this is what I should do now.”
In a more common scenario, a friend of yours is complaining about work—a lot.
“I just can’t get ahead at work. They keep holding me back, and it’s just not fair.”
And based on the career coaching I’ve been doing lately, they are likely justified in that feeling.
You can:
- Acknowledge that it’s unfair and get into the details,
- Help them strategize.
And also, you are not immune to have a response to negativity around you , even if it’s justified.
Ongoing complaints, even though you wish the best for them – can be a bit much.
But if you take the “Glass Half Full” approach, you hear something else entirely.
You hear a person who is in pain because they have blueprint in them for how to be what they were born to be.
This organic drive to thrive is being blocked—AND THAT HURTS.
When you see through this lens, you stop seeing a “complainer” and start seeing a fellow human being reaching for the light.
Yes, there is a problem to solve, but with this insight, there is also a cause to celebrate.
You can’t fix their problems at work. But you can align with that beautiful, fierce wish inside of them.
When you speak to the light in them rather than the frustration, the whole room changes. The vibe shifts from resistance to celebration.
Though you can’t fix their problems, you can sing their song.
“I know you, and you bring a lot of responsibility and creativity to your work and everything you do—it’s a deep part of you and one of the many reasons we are friends.”
The Glass Half Full approach celebrates the wish to be more whole, healthy, and alive.
This week, when you hear a complaint or you yourself are struggling with an issue—pause and ask yourself (and I sometimes ask clients this directly):
“What is the cause you are fighting for?”
Or to use a less masculine metaphor: “What is the music that brought you to this dance?”
And then, see if you can hum a few bars.
Stay present,
– Brett
PS.
This is a difficult topic to write about clearly.
I hope some of that is achevied
(Would love to hear if so, or not as the case may be)
The are actually two more letters in this sequence so hold on for more details to fill this out more fully.